Big air? Oh big time

Afternoon all, how are we?

Glad to here it. Me you ask?

Well ok then. I've been injured for the last 2 weeks, twisted my ankle being a super gnarly bromachine(didn't fall over, promise). So since we last spoke I've taken to a strict recovery regime of sleeping, smoking, eating and generally being incredibly bored. Now you may wonder why I haven't been to say hi amid this stint of nothingness but doing nothing doesn't make for laugh a second blogging like my usual funderful entries...ahem.

Last weekend we went back down to Sapporo (sans Ben, who was still away in love hotels and the like) for the Toyota big air comp and the snow festival. The big air was fucking cold but also pretty cool (ay? wordplay, brilliant) and ever so Japanese. Every time the riders went for a trick there was hundreds of laser and space noises and lights that probably sounded futuristic in the 1920s and every pro was given a sassy nickname which they constantly referred to them as. Anti Autti (Shooting Star) won and walked away with the first place prize of a brand new Toyota Peanut, the lucky devil. He beating fellow Finnish rider Risto Mattila (Air Cyborg) who got disqualified for being a cyborg made out of air.

When the comp finished, we regrouped and defrosted before heading to the techno mashup extravaganza known as the afterparty. The pros were busily getting mobbed by more Japanese pro-hoe arse than you can shake a glowstick at (I also got my picture taken and shook hands with some pro-hoe's who either mistook me for a pro or were insane). I decided to go and chat to one of my favourite snowboarders, Nicholas Muller and the conversation went like this;

"................................................................................."

Now I appreciate that it must be pretty annoying getting chumps like my bothering you all the time but two of my buddies also went to chat to him and we concluded that he's the world's most boring man. Still I would've put it down to my buddies also being annoying chumps if it weren't for the fact that all the other riders were really sound. Kevin Piece (American Dream) and Mason Aguirre (Spin Magic) turned out to be all round rowdy party machines, so Muller's got no excuse. The Burton team are also up in Niseko at the moment and Muller turned up in Splash the other day and I thought I'd give it another shot but no dice, he's still boring. Oh well, guess that'll teach me talking to someone I admire....

Kaz with 'American Dream'. Tried to get a picture of Muller but it came out as a blank space.

After their explosion onto the blog scene last entry, Kat and Georgie have been called back to the land of Oz, Much to our disappointment. Alas the days of being woken up at 5 in the morning by them bursting in, chomping on fried chicken and demanding we come out drinking are a thing of the past, will miss you girlie's.

In other news, Mount Merry is currently knee deep in pirate joke fever with shit pirate jokes been thrown around with reckless abandonment (where does a pirate keep his lose change? In a jaaaarrrrs; what's a pirates favourite disease? saaaarrrrrs; you get the idea).

Yo got wasted in Splash and tried to smash up the place, after which he spat in the face of a girl and told a load of aussies to fuck off back home - think someone must've told him poi's are shit. On the plus side Georgie snogged him (yesss, back of the net).

Darrel, as if trying to make up for lost time now we're not living with his has come up with a prime blog goodness. First off, he keeps trying to download films onto his computer for free by searching 'free movies' in google and ignoring Ben's advice to use bittorrent. Instead he's come up with the solution of filming the TV overnight and then transferring that onto his laptop in the hope that sometime that night they may have shown a film in English. His other moment of the week was when we were shoveling snow together when he suddenly piped up with;

"It's like we're the negro's isn't it?"

..I stare at him blankly

"y'know like we're the slaves shovelling snow?"

me - "I don't think many slaves shovelled snow Darrel"

D - "nah I mean its like they (Japanese guys at our company) are the slave drivers forcing us to do the all the work, isn't it?"

Wow. Gave up and walked off at that point, wondering how such a man existed. Still the blog would be a hell of a lot shit(ter) without him.

What's a pirates favourite food?

.

.

....Pastaaaaarrrr

no? ok, never mind. Right I'm off, I'll leave you with some Snow festival pictures shamelessly poached from other peep's photos cause I was too hungover to look round properly. Who needs sightseeing when you've got beers ay? who's with me? no? fine.

Oh also reading material is fairly sparse if you can't read Japanese, so if anyone feels to urge to be charitable to Ben and I, some magazines would go down a treat. Daily Sport, Nuts, Zoo, Fast Car, Max Power, Total Carp, Slipper Weekly, Poultry World you know all the greats.

bye.

Man wanking off a fish

"Shit daaang dude!!"

.....exclaimed Brooke whilst on a jaunt to Sapporo and has now become a regular expression in my daily life be it in anger, joy or props for badass tricks, shit dang dude is there for every occasion. Washed down with a cool glass of Maison de Chocolate.

Right ok sorry I'm here now, that bit was just a warm up; haven't sat down in a while now so just getting my blog legs again. Sooooooo what’s been going on eh? Well let me tell you, first off we've moved out of the Warebase and now live in a lodge in town called Mount Merry (there's a joke in there somewhere but I'll be damned if I know where). MM is pretty sweet, right in town so we can be bloody blokes and beer it up any time we like and also has some cool people living there - its almost like doing an actual season instead of being weird hermits who bath together, although I do miss the cot we made in the Warebase. It was a bit of a baptism of fire as we moved into MM a couple of days before Australia Day (biggest day of the century) and there are about 17 aussies living there but we dealt with it like a couple of biglads.

*****Fat Ross update - There's a famous hit (when there is enough snow, which there isn't at the moment apparently??) here underneath one of the chairlifts that is a gap between 2 cat-tracks which are about 60ft apart. 2 years ago fat Ross allegedly switch 540'ed it. Inexplicable******

The down side is far less Darrel contact and I can only see the blog suffering for this. Life is a bit too harmonious right now, no racist army wally's chatting shit at us all day. Its quite amusing cause Darrel obviously misses the talking constantly at us so whenever I do see him, he bounds up and vomits crap anecdotes all over me, the mess is disgusting. The only other person Darrel has to converse with at Warebase is a part time Japanese guy called Wak-san who stays there sometimes. He has very limited english and pretty much always looks totally stoned, when you walk in a room its almost guaranteed that if Wak is there he'll be eating, pause and stare at you like a rabbit in headlights whilst trying to finish his snack and then will eventually muster an 'oh..........................................hi'. We reckon that he's not Japanese at all but really called Steven and comes from Southend but has lost all his communication skills due to being baked all the time.

Had another staff party as well which saw dragging Darrel et all to the only club in town (a Nepalese restaurant that every Friday gets turned into a techno club, as you'd expect) Darrel even threw shapes on the floor! Yo-san (barry big bro) honoured Ben and me by complimenting our shredding skills then threw all his credibility away by revealing that he Poi's (god damn poi's, mankind’s greatest mistake) but this seemed to appeal to the girls who have a bit of a crush on the poi based bromachine (Brooke: "I'd pump him" - classic Brooke).


Speaking of which, it’s come to my attention that I've referred to 'the girls' a few times and never really given them their proper blog introduction. The said girls are Brooke, Kat and Georgie and are the lovely staff of everyone’s favourite chipboard themed bar, Splash (and are all legally the property DJ Shu-san). Not only do the girls have to deal with drunk wankers and listen to some of the finest reggae this side of Plymouth but they also sort old muggins here a with a host of drinks (ranging from the great - Mansions, to the not so great - Mansions made with 90% Pernod). Plus it makes me look cool when I sort mi mates out with free drinks and lets face it, I need all the help I can get. I mean I write a blog for fuck sake! If only I could poi, then I'd be cool and have chicas ladled all over me.

Kat, Georgie and Brooke

That's it for the mo really, like I said life is pretty easy going at the mo which doesn't make for good bloggery but hey if you don't like it, go wee in your own face or something. Ben's in Osaka at the moment with Jen for a week so I'm slap bang in the middle of a massive wankerthon which is scheduled to last at least until a week on Thursday.

Oh also realised I missed out some prime 'Shu'formation (ay ay?) from the last entry. First off, no picture - basically Kat has a pic of Shu in a rasta doorag and sporting a 'born in Jamaica' t-shirt but its gone missing and I don't want to give you a shoddy replacement photo of my idol (which is what I've done but at least he's wearing the same stuff and dropping fresh lyrics). Also I forgot to mention that Shu DJ's but failed to learn to mix. He overcomes this issue by seamlessly blending in tracks by use of a snazzy box which only use is to make laser sounds and so in between tunes blasts out laser noises like with live in the not too distant future or really far in the past, not sure which. Yes, I do intend to steal it.

Right-o I'm ikimas-ing my way outta this fucking hellhole called the intersplice, got to get a hearty nights sleep got as I've got a sexy hike planned tomorrow to get those mad freshies and probably shout 'shit dang dude' an unhealthy amount.

Ni-ku

P.S. Speaking of unhealthy we've developed a drunk snack of epic heart attack proportions. Basically its a microwave cheese calzone thing wrapped round a bit of fried chicken, so pretty much a pizza with fried chicken in the middle. I heard growing old is bollocks anyway and that heart failure is the new black, Vice said so and Dazed and Confused agreed.